The Big Sign

Welcome back!

In my last post, I finished with my PCOS diagnosis and how that affected my chances of having children. Fast forward a few years to dating and I mean like actually dating (looking for a husband). I never told anyone this, but PCOS did affect my decision there. I felt broken and had the mindset of “who will want a woman that will never give him a family?” and that’s where my husband comes along. I met Justin when I was 19 and in college. He was everything I wanted but I decided not to talk to him because he was out of my league, I thought (back to that broken mindset). Little did I know God had other plans in a big way.

The next day, after I refused to open my mouth and say “hi”, Justin was messaging me. Now I’m not saying it was like a fairy tale introduction. It was a simple “hi, how are you” – and that my friends, is what started it all.

On our first date, we went and saw the Christmas lights at Opry Mills. We talked about everything that night. What we wanted, where we wanted to go, and yes, even our feelings on marriage and kids. I told him straight up I want to adopt and do foster care in the future and if you can’t get behind that then this won’t work. He just smirked and laughed. Justin said, “Honey, my mom’s adopted”. Now you can imagine my face in this moment. Pretty sure angels sung and Heaven opened! I went home that night and told my best friend “I’ll marry that boy” and she thought I was crazy.

I wasn’t broken, but built for another plan.

Now let’s hit that fast forward button again because this is a blog not a book. Justin and I attempted to have children for a long time; we definitely at least wanted to give it a shot, and we still do, but it just hasn’t worked out for us. We started having the adoption talk, the IVF talk, and the foster care talk.   During this time, I was taking medicine, seeing the doctor every 30 days, and tracking everything I believe a woman could track in a 30-day period. I was tired and was getting burned out. Justin was seeing this, so we started talking and decided that with so many children that need homes, IVF would be selfish (personal opinion for our situation, not for everyone). So we thought about adoption and even checked into a few agencies, but just did not like the feeling we were getting. We felt like the agency was selling children and not giving a child a home because they wanted the best for them. Everything had a price tag, even the wait list. We decided maybe that wasn’t for us because we should feel good about adopting, not like we just made an investment.

We prayed and prayed and prayed for an answer on what to do. God brought us back to foster care every time (and the recurring commercial on the radio about helping local foster children didn’t hurt either). We looked up the number on online for the state foster care program and started our process. Things were good and we were trying to get started on classes but it seems like we could never get a schedule. So we got upset and stopped trying. Then a few weeks later we heard the radio commercial again – I got upset and angry with God on the way to church. I’d finally had enough. I shouted at God and said, “Show me a sign! What do you want us to do and I don’t mean a small sign I want a big in your face undeniable sign.” Lesson time: GOD WILL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU ASK FOR! We walked into our youth program at church, and before the kids arrive for the program, we always say a prayer. I will never forget the Youth Pastor’s words that night. He said, “I need to say something God has put on my heart. There is someone here that God has put something on your heart and you have been fighting it and holding back and God wants me to tell you to jump and he will catch you. Stop holding back.” My eyes got huge! I looked at Justin and said, “Okay, God I hear you loud and clear.”

That Sunday we were introduced to Monroe Harding. We were working at church after the service and a girl walked up and asked if we wanted to join her Life Group. We asked what it was and she said it’s a foster care info and support group. Floored by God’s sign again, we told her our story and she told us about Monroe Harding. She gave us a business card and told me about the woman who helped her get started, and at that point we were all in and I told her I would call Monday.

NEXT POST:

The Beginning